I recently posted a lengthy article which laid out six supracultural biblical parenting principles. To be “supracultural” means they are principles that apply in every single culture. To be “biblical” means they are attitudes we see taught in Scripture, but not necessarily about parenting. I applied them to parenting, however, in my original article.
My original post is found here. It was quite long, so someone encouraged me to rerelease it as six individual posts. This is part five of six; it excludes the original introduction and gets right to the questions.
Does my parenting style promote spousal oneness?
Supracultural Principle: Christians believe the husband and wife relationship is paramount within the family.
Something mysterious was declared over the first marriage. After telling the man to leave his father and mother, God told him to be joined to his wife. “The two,” God said, “Will be one flesh.”
Jesus repeated this concept. “What God has joined together, let not man separate,” Jesus said.
There is something mystical about the marital union. The covenant we make and the sex that consummates it, causes God to make us one. That previously didn’t exist. This oneness is new. This oneness is sacred to God.
I believe much of marriage boils down to this concept. Does a married couple operate as two individuals? If so, the marriage will be difficult. Does the marriage operate as one? Then the marriage will be smoothed.
Is there an openness of heart to one another? Are thoughts kept exclusive and private? Do we share in finances? Do we enjoy life together, or apart from one another? Is there honesty? Do we frequently come together sexually? These are all oneness questions.
The Bible doesn’t teach, however, that our offspring are part of that oneness. Kids are not one flesh with their parents. Obviously, there is a bond, but parents are one flesh with each other, not their children, at least not in the way they are with their spouse.
This is important because many parents will sacrifice their marriage for their children. One of the best things you can do for you kids is love your spouse. A healthy marriage is life giving for children. Plus, it will strengthen you in the years to come.
With all this in mind we ought to proceed with caution. Does this current decision for my kids put an undue stress on my marriage? We make commitments constantly. Fortunately, as the years go by, we grow stronger, able to handle the responsibilities in front of us. Still, many parents are tempted to decide for their kids to a degree that sacrifices the marriage.
Am I fighting for friendship and romance with my spouse? Is all that on hold for my children? Don’t fall into the trap of hitting pause on your enjoyment of your spouse in order to get parenting done. Enjoy your spouse now. Someday, the kids will depart. You and your spouse will need to have a strong bond.
Do my children know our marriage is the center of the family? Or do they believe they are the center of the family? This might be evidenced through date nights, and trips. Something as simple as time on the couch with your spouse, time they cannot interrupt, communicates the priority of your marriage. They need to know your love for them, but also your love for each other.
Do I show my children how important my wife is to me? Do they see me texting, calling, catching up, laughing, playing with her?
Do you spend time with your spouse without your children? Remember, it isn’t a date if your kids are there.